How to cope with children caught in the crossfire of a divorce
From ArticleWorld
To Cope with Children Caught in the Crossfire of a Divorce becomes one of the first and foremost tasks of the divorcing parents. Since telling children is a very painful process, parents are tempted to delay this chore but it is actually better for the children to know immediately - before the parent moves out.
[edit]
A few thumb rules
- It serves to be honest with the children as far as possible. If feasible, both parents should tell each of their children at the same time
- Acknowledge their feeling but let them know your feeling too. Tell them that both of you (you and your ex) would be much happier staying apart.
- Discuss upcoming changes with them, like visitation rights, schooling and extra responsibility etc.
- Give the children a sense of security and reassure them about their future, despite the changes.
- Persuade the children to carry on with their individual interests and encourage them to be independent.
- Help the children understand that they were in no way responsible for the divorce
- The children need reassurance that neither parent is rejecting them and that they still have a family even though their parents are no longer married.
[edit]
Do’s
- Give the children as much security and support as is possible to help them through the difficult phase of their life.
- Believe in them and trust their ability to adapt.
- Tell them frequently that both of you love them and also that, whatever else happens; there will be no change in that
- Maintain the same rules of discipline as they existed before the divorce. Don’t spoil the children to assuage your own pangs of guilt.
[edit]
Don’ts
- Don’t be unfair to the other parent when discussing him/ her with the children.
- Unless the parent is a genuine threat, the children don’t need to know about what caused the breakup. Avoid the money issues and extramarital affairs when discussing things with them.