How to cope with children caught in the crossfire of a divorce

From ArticleWorld

To Cope with Children Caught in the Crossfire of a Divorce becomes one of the first and foremost tasks of the divorcing parents. Since telling children is a very painful process, parents are tempted to delay this chore but it is actually better for the children to know immediately - before the parent moves out.

A few thumb rules

  1. It serves to be honest with the children as far as possible. If feasible, both parents should tell each of their children at the same time
  2. Acknowledge their feeling but let them know your feeling too. Tell them that both of you (you and your ex) would be much happier staying apart.
  3. Discuss upcoming changes with them, like visitation rights, schooling and extra responsibility etc.
  4. Give the children a sense of security and reassure them about their future, despite the changes.
  5. Persuade the children to carry on with their individual interests and encourage them to be independent.
  6. Help the children understand that they were in no way responsible for the divorce
  7. The children need reassurance that neither parent is rejecting them and that they still have a family even though their parents are no longer married.


  • Give the children as much security and support as is possible to help them through the difficult phase of their life.
  • Believe in them and trust their ability to adapt.
  • Tell them frequently that both of you love them and also that, whatever else happens; there will be no change in that
  • Maintain the same rules of discipline as they existed before the divorce. Don’t spoil the children to assuage your own pangs of guilt.


  • Don’t be unfair to the other parent when discussing him/ her with the children.
  • Unless the parent is a genuine threat, the children don’t need to know about what caused the breakup. Avoid the money issues and extramarital affairs when discussing things with them.